Is it a bad thing that I have to lie to my Mom about loving her?

if you feel that, while living with her, lying is best, then heck go for it, but as soon as youre out from under her thumb, be honest, and tell her alllllllll the bad sh1t she did to you, my mom has apologized so many times for the stuff she did when i was young, and i have apologized in turn, we have a much much much better relationship now than when i was younger, so have hope, for now though, you just gotta put up with it, best of luck